Hello Readers! This is a long one, so settle in…
Tapas is one of my favorite yoga practices, on and off the mat. I feel as if almost every other blog I write involves this 3rd principle of the Niyamas, in some way. Tapas is about “burning impurities” from your mind, body and spirit.: getting rid of the things that do nothing to serve you. The asana practice of yoga helps to burn away the stress, like all other forms of exercise. Doing a juice cleanse helps to revitalize your digestive system to keep your health from becoming stagnant. Spring Cleaning is a famous approach to avoiding becoming a hoarder, risking your mental and physical health. So many lovely Tapases… (not sure of the correct plural) to choose from! Probably the easiest and most common form of Tapas is VENTING. We do it with our girlfriends over glasses of wine, we bitch on the phone to hubbies and moms and we tweet into the Internet-verse to have some relief. So guess what, I am going to practice some grade- A Tapas Venting here. I’ve listed these off whenever I’ve been mad, and thought I would share it here, so that you could, perhaps, feel a kindred spirit, or just laugh at my huffiness. Maybe I sound like your granny with a few of them!
I am 100% positive there are more “yogi-esque” ways for me to handle my negative energy than to bitch about it online. But I am not calling out individuals by name, nor am I saying anything that I, or others, haven’t expressed in person to people.
Guess what- you can stop reading at any time. Don’t like what I’ve got to say? Stop reading! I am not doing this for a debate and don’t wanna hear it if you dislike my opinion. I’m sure you might. I’m over it. But nothing is forcing you to read this blog (thank you for doing so, if you do!), so stop if your heart is heavy as you read.
Be aware, I swear in this post, as it is VENTING. I apologize if this offends you, but again, you are under no contract to read this if such language bothers you…
These are just the pet peeves that really get under my skin. Some are little and petty. Some are big and really, really hurtful. Enjoy my tapas here and feel free to add some of your own that I’ve forgotten! I am sure I could make this list a million miles long, but these are the ones that, lately, have bugged me. I like funny pics, so I’ve added a few of them too. I believe if I added one for every single Vent, this would be too big to post!
My next Blog will be the opposite: celebrating Santosha, or contentment. Bitchy Blog followed by a Sweet and Serene One.
- When hosting a dinner party (especially with your family, for crying out loud) and serving red meat of any kind, I think it is rude if the host does not ask his/her guests what temperature they prefer their meat at. Not everyone likes chewy rare meat. I am not a wolf. Stop feeding me fatty and cold meat.
- I think that restaurants are infuriating if they do not serve Champagne or Prosecco, especially when they have a full bar. (That is the only thing I drink, if I want alcohol!) Clearly, all restaurants need to cater to me, the princess of the world!
- I think it is stupid that all of my favorite shows, which have a strong female cop lead, perpetually have her wearing or running and catching bad guys in ridiculously impractical high-heeled shoes. Why is it so terrible to show them wearing shoes, in which it would be appropriate to run?
- How the hell can people leave their house without brushing their teeth? I’ve definitely run into adults who have forgotten this. I do not get it.
- I think parents, who dress their kids in clothes that cost more than adult clothes at other, reasonably nice establishments, are a tad out of touch. The kiddos will grow out of them remarkably quickly. They are not fashion models, they are children, who should be getting into messy arts and crafts, and playing outside… I’m not saying let them wear dirty/gross/tattered things at all- but truly, why does your toddler’s shirt alone cost $75?
- I am not a fan of French manicures, nor do I prefer fake nails. I’d rather have short nails because I work with my hands, than perfect nails that make it difficult for me to use my phone, or type, or play the piano without clicking.
- I find thong underwear uncomfortable and do not find it sexy at all: constant wedgie. When did it become such a bad thing to have underwear that covered your butt? Especially in stuff like thick jeans or prom dresses, when you can’t even see a panty line anyways!?
- When did most drivers stop doing the little wave in the rearview mirror, if you let them in due to construction? I always let people in, and I always wave… it is polite!
- I get having gardeners come to mow your lawn, cut down trees, etc.- it is a lot of hard and time consuming work, and potentially dangerous labor. But, I still do not understand people who don’t clean their own houses. That is just because if I want it done well and correctly, I have to do it myself. And based on what I’ve seen/heard by people who have cleaning ladies, they don’t really do much besides wipe down or make pretty patterns with the vacuum on the carpet.
- I also heard that there are companies that you can hire to come pick up the dog poop in your own yard, from your own dog. Seriously!? Pick up after your own damn dog. Are we living in a society, where untouchables are the only ones who can wear gloves and de-poopify your yard?
- If you are the only person on the road for miles- you don’t have to use a blinker. If you are surrounded by cars and pedestrians and do not use a blinker, you are being dangerous. Use your effing blinker.
- You are allowed to not apologize for having your opinion, but you certainly can apologize for saying it in a way that caused another pain. Saying, “I’m sorry you took offense to what I said,” is NOT an apology.
- Rats and mice are vermin, not pets.
- Stop killing all the bees in our world. Bees are vital. And stop being so fucking afraid of them! Unless you suffer from anaphylaxis the moment you are stung, you have no reason to fear them. A sting hurts for two seconds if they do sting you. Wasps are the real motherfuckers.
- Mosquitos are assholes. They are pointless. Yes, I know they feed bats and fish and stuff, but how much nutrients can those creatures get from such tiny things? And they carry so many diseases!
- I think it is annoying when professional dancers or cheerleaders, etc. use their hair as a part of their dance routine. Lately when at sporting events, whenever the girls who, undoubtedly work hard at their choreography, perform, all I see are flicks of hair that distract me from the actual dance moves. Very stripper-esque. I want to see things I cannot do when I watch professional dancers, not things I can do. I can flick my hair all I like. I have great hair. I cannot kick over my head. That is impressive to me
- No, my husband of 5 years and I do not want children at this time. Maybe not ever. We are spending this time enjoying our 1-on-1 time being married. We adore the children of our friends and extended family. We hosted a German exchange son, who is now our surrogate child, for a year. I teach 90 kids a day. I have children. Lots of them. 8 years of 90 kids a day, who all mean the world to me, and on whom I spend countless dollars, hours of effort and stress and more. Stop making side comments about, “When are ya gonna have kids?” BTW: the high number of posts I get to see of friends who have brats as children, aren’t making my biological clock tick any faster. I also just spent 2 years losing 70 lbs. I am gonna enjoy my healthy body and be happy. (With that being said, if it were to happen by accident, we both would be thrilled and love any addition to our family. But that too, is nothing you need to comment on.)
- With the above being said, about not being a parent currently, I know I should not make comments sometimes about what parents should do, as I am not one. However, I am a professional educator, who interacts with your pubescent children and, perhaps, am more aware of what they are going through, than you are. I also am a logical human being, and can see how the mistakes you might be doing with your little ones will effect them once they get to the age when they would be in my classroom, or as adults. Don’t discount my opinion just because I haven’t pushed something out of my vagina.
- I believe breast milk has many benefits. I believe women should be allowed to breast feed in public, as long as they aren’t being disgusting about it (discretion doesn’t mean you are ashamed, peeps)… but I am going to paraphrase Carrie Bradshaw here, “If your kid can chew steak, you shouldn’t be breastfeeding.”
- Your kid is not a dog. If they are too lazy to walk, or if you are too lazy to hold their hands to keep them from running off, then maybe taking them to an amusement park/the zoo isn’t a good idea. Don’t put them on a friggin’ leash! Also, if your child can walk well (as they are over the age of 4), they should not be strolled around all day at Disney. They need to walk. Nap time if they get tired.
- Vaccinate your damn children. Spay/neuter your effing pets. The multitude of benefits outweighs the minimal disadvantages. While I acknowledge and honor how homeopathic/eastern medicine can definitely be more beneficial than popping pills (for God’s sake, I think YOGA should be prescribed and taught in schools): I, my mother, nor my sister wouldn’t be alive today if it wasn’t for modern medicine for a multitude of reasons. My father is a research scientist trying to cure cancer. My mom helps him to do it. I am a fan of modern medicine and will not let you turn me against it.
- Old people: stop saying, “Kids these days are worse/ruder/stupider, etc.” For some, that may be true, and that is due to poor parenting- so talk to your damn kids for making little assholes. For most, however, teenagers have always done stupid shit, since the beginning of time, and will continue to do so. YOU are the one who has changed, from a stupid-shit-doer yourself probably, into a respectable adult who has learned life’s lessons. People have also been saying, “This country is goin’ to hell,” since our great-great-great grandparents’ day. Get over it.
- Stop posting about politics. I don’t care. Everyone just calls me an imbecile when I speak to him or her about any opinion regarding politics. It is OK to keep that private- we vote behind curtains for privacy, you know…
- Yes, it is nice to have the “summers off” as a teacher. My “summers off” are filled with writing curriculum, going to trainings, taking students abroad, tutoring, taking as many sub jobs for yoga that I can, and doing all the other stuff that I don’t have time for during the school year. Such as: painting my house, doing all of my own landscaping and gardening, starting a small business, writing my novels, etc. Teachers are paid for 9 months of the year. It’s not as if we are collecting taxpayer money for three extra months, where we do nothing but lay on the beach and laugh.
- Don’t you dare complain about how your taxes pay for police, teachers, fire fighters, soldiers, etc. The excuse of “I don’t have kids, why should I pay for other kids to get educated?” is ridiculous. I’d rather have intelligence that I don’t have to use, than need intelligence that I don’t have. The same philosophy applies for public service to me. I’ve never burned down my house, but I’d like to know if some tragic accident happened, professionals would be there to minimize the damage.
- The above being said, policemen, stop being jerks. Stop giving tickets for rolling a stop sign on a street with no pedestrians, nor other cars, to meet your “quota” and focus on the real problems: drugs, domestic violence/rape, theft and the multitude of other sins that exist.
- Please stop posting animal cruelty videos and pictures. I cannot take it. I know it exists, I donate whenever I possibly can, I have two rescue dogs. I believe the evil people who do those crimes should rot in prison and then hell, but I am not able to handle seeing things that I cannot save or help.
- Stop saying “like” all the time. Unless you are…like…making a simile, or…like… expressing enjoyment of something- you don’t need the word in the sentence, for, like, emphasis.
- The word is piC-Ture, not pitcher. Yes, I get there are accents/dialects, but as a teacher, your pronunciation is contributing to students being poor spellers.
- Most of the people I have heard make arguments for medical marijuana are definitely people who would not need it, as they do not have a disease for which it is beneficial. They are stoners. If you need a joint every day to relax, or have fun in general, you have the same kind of problem that an alcoholic has. And don’t try and argue that, “alcohol is worse,” trying to make it sound like your judgment isn’t impaired at all while high. It is, and while I’ve never experienced it, I’ve seen it and the stupid consequences it can have, so stop annoying me. You should be arguing for it for the sake of people with terrible cancers or other painful diseases, whose lives are potentially in jeopardy, not for your “headaches”.
- I am sorry, but there are things that your children MUST learn to do, in order to be successful in life. They need to learn to read (and hopefully, to learn to LOVE to read) as soon as possible. I heard the head of a workshop say that her four year old daughter “wasn’t interested in reading” and that she took offense to her child’s teacher “pressuring her” to practice reading and learning her ABCs. First of all, that is a teacher’s JOB. Secondly, remedial reading should be for students that have scientifically diagnosed learning disabilities only, not for lazy ass parents who don’t want to… I don’t know… occasionally do the uncomfortable part of their very tough job, by getting their kids to do things they don’t particularly enjoy sometimes, especially when it involves getting their offspring to be literate.
- Grape jelly is gross. Make more rhubarb jam. More rhubarb in general.
- Gorillas and other apes frighten me. I do not want to see them at the zoo. I will look down during movies when they are on screen. You have phobias too. You don’t need to understand mine.
- I hate horror movies. I will not go with you. Do you realize you are giving future psychopaths ideas?
- Furniture store employees: Go away. I will come find you when I need you. I realize you work on commission, but you are pissing me off, because I have to tell a thousand of you, “No, thank you, I’m just browsing”.
- Yes, I must eat gluten free. No, I am not a bandwagon-jumping hippie, so stop looking at me like that. I have celiac’s disease.
- If you can’t take it, you shouldn’t dish it out.
- Yes, I live in Texas. Yes, I teach German. No, I do NOT think Spanish is the only worthwhile language to learn. Those teachers are overwhelmed with too many students in a room, while I am begging for kids. Promote other foreign languages!
- Don’t ask me my opinion just so you can have a chance to argue yours. Ask me my opinion because you are genuinely interested to hear what I have to say, and wish to understand, perhaps, a different perspective. I don’t enjoy debate, so stop pushing my buttons!
- Stop being litigious. Accidents happen. Get over it
- PD Meetings are one of my least favorite things in the world. They are pointless, boring and the touchy-feely crap that is keeping me from grading, creating lesson plans or doing things with my students annoys me. The place I learned most about being a teacher: actually teaching in the classroom, not reading philosophy and discussing it endlessly. You wanna be my friend and relate to me personally? Let’s go out for dinner and have fun. When I’m at work though, I’ve got stuff to do!
- Pitbulls are the result of their crappy, or good, owners, who train them. Don’t bully my breed!